Curiosity Killed the Team 7
by Kairi Uzeniba
Summary: [Kind of a sequel to My Secret Love for You] Kakashi is getting later and later into his team's training sessions because of his time with Anko. So his team decides to investigate. But they get a little more than they were asking for. [KakashixAnko]
1. Curiosity

**I'm glad I made the sequel to My Secret Love For You. I got the idea from inu/naru fangirl, an anonymous reviewer. (Anonymous reviewers can review here.) And this _is _multi-chapter fic! LIME ALERT: MILD TOUCHING AND KISSING. Well, enjoy!**

**Chapter **

Curiosity 

Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke sat waiting for their teacher. He'd been extremely late recently.

"I've had it!" Naruto shouted. "Kakashi-sensei is late _everyday! _When has he been on time? Never!"

"Shut up Naruto. It's not a big deal." Sasuke said calmly. Sakura looked dreamily at Sasuke's aura of coolness.

"But wouldn't you to love to know what Kakashi's been doing?" Naruto tempted.

"Ooh! I wanna know!" Sakura said.

"Fine…whatever…" Sasuke said calmly, although he was tempted on the inside.

They walked toward Kakashi's apartment.

"Maybe he's been on assassination missions!" Naruto guessed.

"Nah. I don't think Tsunade would let that happen." Sasuke said.

"What if he's been taking too long to put his mask on top of his mask on top of his mask?"

"That's just dumb."

"Hey! Fine, I give up." They kept walking. They eventually reached his apartment. They decided to look through his window from the building across the street. They saw him walking around. His mouth was moving, so he must've been talking to someone.

"Who's he talking to?" Sakura asked.

"Quiet, Sakura!" Naruto said. They saw his hands reach into an area of the apartment that they couldn't see.

"He's holding something," Sasuke whispered. "It looks like someone's hands…but why would he be holding someone's hands?" Kakashi's head jerked forward into the invisible area.

"Now he's…kissing something…" Naruto said. There was silence as Kakashi kissed whatever it was he was kissing.

"A girl!" They all said at once. And they cupped their hands over their mouths.

_Who is it? Who is it? _They all thought. Kakashi picked up a female figure and put her on his bed.

"Wait a minute…that's…" Naruto tried to say.

"That's…" Sakura also stuttered.

"Mitarashi Anko," Sasuke whispered. Kakashi sat down next to Anko and seemed to kiss her neck.

"They're in a serious relationship," Sakura cooed as she looked longingly at Sasuke.

With Anko and Kakashi…

"Kakashi, you know that tickles…" Anko giggled as he made out with her neck. But she loved it and Kakashi knew it. He grabbed her waist as he kissed her neck. She laughed out loud. Kakashi stopped for a moment and grinned. Anko kissed him deeply and passionately. Kakashi held her cheeks and Anko's arms were wrapped around his neck. When they were finished Anko jumped on him and was laying on top of him. Her shins were in the air.

With Team 7…

They all gaped.

"How long have they been doing this…?" Sakura asked in awe.

"Apparently a long time…" Sasuke said, in his usual voice, but also in awe. Naruto was grinning evilly.

"Ooh hoho…now that we've got the dirt on Kakashi-sensei, we can tell everyone we know!" Naruto said mischievously. Sakura bonked him on the head.

"No, we'll just tell him that we know his secret, and then he won't be late anymore. Blackmailing…" Sakura said, also mischievously.

Kakashi and Anko…

Anko was just laying on top of Kakashi for a few seconds. Then Kakashi pulled her into him and kissed her neck. Anko moaned a little, for it felt good. Kakashi chuckled a little.

"What?" Anko asked.

"I feel naughty…" he whispered.

"So what? We're not going _all _the way. We're fine…" Anko cooed into his ear as she wrapped her legs around him. Kakashi jerked up, catching Anko just in time.

"What was that for?!" Anko yelled.

"I have students! Team 7! I'm sorry Anko-chan, I always forget! Gotta go!" he yelled. (Kakashi had been concealing his face most of the time, but was now putting on his masks.)

Team 7…

"Uh-oh," Naruto said. "We've gotta get back to the training ground!" They all jumped off the building and headed back toward the forest.

Well, there ya go. I have it planned out for next time, but I will accept a few suggestions for later chapters. PLEASE review! Anonymous reviews accepted! Come back next time!


	2. Blackmail

Welcome back! I was dying to write more AnkoxKakashi, so I just opened the document and WAM! This chapter. But first, Sakura might not have that many lines and may have stupid suggestions, that is because I'm personally a Sakura-hater, but, this is not a Sakura-bashing fic, so I can't really make her that important. Well, enjoy!

Chapter 2

Blackmail 

Team 7 was rushing back to the forest.

"What should we do when we blackmail Kakashi-sensei?" Naruto asked.

"Ooh, maybe we can make him clean our houses!" Sakura suggested.

"No! Too lame! We'll have him let us read his Icha-Icha paradise books!" Naruto said. By the time they got back to the training ground, Kakashi had been waiting. (Transportation jutsu.)

"Well well well," Kakashi said. "If it isn't my students." They giggled.

"Kakashi, why are you always late?" Sasuke asked, trying to make him fess up.

"Well, someone in Konoha owns a black cat, and everyday that black cat tries to walk in front of me, so I have to walk al the way around Konoha."

"No! That's a lie! You've got a girlfriend and her name is Mitarashi Anko!" Naruto yelled, not being able to keep the secret any longer.

"Naruto! You ko baka!" Sakura yelled as she bonked him on the head. (Ko baka means big idiot.) Kakashi gasped.

"O.k. team I've decided you work hard enough already and you need a day off goodbye see ya, syonara!" Kakashi said quickly as he teleported away. He appeared back in his apartment.

"Kakashi?" Anko asked, excited that he was back.

" Anko-chan," Kakashi said as he kissed her. "My team knows. I sensed presences nearby but I thought they were people walking through the street or sitting down. Now my team knows." Anko gasped.

"They don't know _everything_, do they?" Anko asked.

"Not everything, but they know we care for each other. But I think that's it." Kakashi said as he hugged Anko.

"What if they find out everything?" Anko asked, worried.

"We'll do what we can." Anko kissed his cheek.

"Kakashi..." she whispered as she wrapped her legs around him and squeezed.

"What?" he asked in the same sexy tone.

"Remember when you asked me that question?" she purred into his ear.

"Oh ho ho… you want to today?" Kakashi asked, staying in the same sexy tone. Anko raised one eyebrow as she pulled down her pants.

NO GRAPHIC LEMONS!!! I promise there will be no graphic lemons. I don't write those. BUT, Kakashi and Anko do have a lemon, it just isn't in the fic. So I hope you peeps liked this chapter, cuz I'm continuing! Thank you anonymous for all your suggestions, but I do have the fic kind of planned out…but they were pretty good ideas! Tune in next time, and PLEASE review! Anonymous reviews welcome! Bye! NO WAIT! To answer your question inu/naru fangirl, I think I could add a little bit of the pairings you mentioned, but there will be very little. I need to shut up! Bye for real!


	3. Contract

Welcome back! Sorry for taking so long to update…I've been obsessed with Harvest Moon Magical Melody. X3. Oh yeah! IMPORTANT: One heck of a lot of time is going to go by in this fic because I twisted the plot last chapter with the lemon, the lemon was supposed to have happened before the fic started-(claps hand over mouth) Oh well. I honestly need to shut up! Onto the fic!

Chapter 3

Contract

The next day, Kakashi walked to the training ground, ashamed.

"I actually put a girl before my students…I know Tsunade-sama knows anyway, but she'll be disappointed that I let my students find out…I feel pathetic…" Kakashi said to himself as he walked along. When he got to the training ground, Naruto and Sakura were grinning evilly, and Sasuke looked like he always does.

"Kakashi-sensei…" Naruto said menacingly. "We've found out your secret. For us to keep this secret, you must to a few things for us." Kakashi sighed.

"This was expected…what do you want?" Kakashi said, bored. He'd known this would happen.

"We've made a list of things you must do." Sasuke said, holding a piece of paper. Kakashi grabbed it. It read:

Things Kakashi-sensei must do for us in order for us to keep his secret:

#1: Show up on time everyday we have training.

This was necessary as it is, but now it will actually be done.

#2: Let us read you Icha Icha Paradise books.

Enough said.

#3: Do every dare we tell you to.

These dares will be explained when we force you to do them.

#4: Buy things for us.

The sizes and prices for these things hold no limit whatsoever.

Team 7, Naruto Uzumaki, Sakura Haruno, & Uchiha Sasuke.

I hereby agree to all these rules in order to keep my secret safe from the public, signed:

Kakashi Hatake

Kakashi read the list out loud and sighed.

"Do any of you have a pen?" he asked. Naruto threw him a ramen hut pen.

I hereby agree to all these rules in order to keep my secret safe from the public, signed:

Kakashi Hatake

Kakashi Hatake

Team 7 high-fived.

"Let the games begin!"

That was kind of short to be honest, but I would like suggestions, if you please. PLEASE review! Anonymous reviews are welcomed! Update soon! I hope…TT.


	4. Kakashi get Humiliated for Life

A/N: I now put A/Ns before my author notes. They look better that way, I think. Sorry, I didn't update soon. I wish I did, but I didn't. So enjoy this chapter, it's a humorous one.

Chapter 4

Kakashi Gets Humiliated for Life

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei, now that you're our slave, you must do whatever we say." Naruto said slyly. "Now eat some mud!!" Kakashi sighed.

"Oh boy…"

"No, you baka! That's a stupid thing to make him do!" Sakura nagged.

"Kakashi, we dare you to…" Sasuke started. He whispered it in Kakashi's ear and told his teammates, too. Kakahsi sighed again.

"Here we go…"

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

Kakashi skipped around the city.

"Hear ye, hear ye!!!! I am a monkey!!! If you like chocolate, that's good for you!!!! MELONS!!!!" he screamed. Kakashi wasn't _just _skipping around yelling hoo-hah. He was wearing a pink speedo. Mothers covered their children's eyes. Most passerby screamed at the top of their lungs. Team 7 was following him around laughing so hard that they had trouble breathing. When Anko saw him she contacted Tsunade.

WHEN ANKO REACHED TSUNADE'S OFFICE…

"What is it, Anko?" she said as Anko slammed the door open. "Enjoying your break?"

"Do not speak of my break. Kakashi is doing something that is terrifying the villagers." she announced, trying to catch her breath.

"Kakashi? Your husband? Why, what's he doing?" the hokage questioned. Anko slowly guided her to the window.

"BLAST OFF!!!! IT'S PARTY TIME!!!! WE LIVE IN A FASCIST NATION!!!!!!" Kakashi screamed as he pranced around in his overly-tight speedo scarring people for life. Tsunade sighed. She walked back over to her desk and pressed the big red button on the intercom.

"Head of ANBU? Look outside. You see him right? Good. Don't arrest him, but take him inside. Give him some clothes." Tsunade let go of the button. "It's being handled as we speak, Anko. Why do you think he'd do it? He's a married man and a soon-to-be…"

"Yes, yes. Somehow I think he didn't want to do this. Why do you think he did it?" Anko asked.

"No idea. You ask him. You'll see him later, right? Hopefully he'll have an explination. You should go home and get some rest. You are a-"

"Yes, I know. I'm leaving." Anko ran home. She couldn't bear seeing what was going on.

Team 7 was rolling on the floor, laughing their heads off. Naruto had gotten the hiccups long ago. After Kakashi was released from ANBU HQ, explaining his situation and forcing him not to tell, he came to his team.

"You don't know how much I want to kill you…" Kakashi stated.

"Alright, alright. Now you must…" Naruto told Kakashi and his teammates. He let out another big sigh.

A FEW MINUTES LATER…

Kakashi stood outside the women's bathhouse. He looked at his team. They nodded. Kakashi jumped through the nearby window, into the washing room.

"HI LADIES!!!!!!! WANNA HAVE SEX?!?!?!?!" he screamed. The naked women shrieked in terror, wrapped towels around themselves, and beat the crap out of Kakashi.

Kakashi limped out of the bath-house. He had been told not to fight back. He sighed.

_What if Anko finds out? Groan…she'd probably call me the worst husband ever, which I am…that'd be hell on Earth… _Kakashi thought. Team 7 was laughing their asses off.

"O.k., Kakashi…you look pretty worn out…we'll make you do more insane, village-terrorizing things tomorrow!" Sakura assured.

"For today, we'll go talk to people and slack off. Make sure to get to training on time tomorrow!" Naruto said. Kakashi limped away, mumbling of curse words and of how he wanted to send his team to hell.

Kakashi's limping made him much slower, so it took him a good 30 minutes to get to his apartment. When he got there, Anko was sitting with her legs crossed, looking anything but amused.

"What's the matter, Anko?" Kakashi asked nervously.

"What's wrong? I think you know very well what's wrong." She said, no hint of mercy in her voice.

"What are you talking about?" Kakashi asked innocently.

"Kakashi, I saw everything. What the hell is the matter with you?! You say you love me, you marry me and you even get me-"

"I know, I know! You saw _everything_?! Even the bath-house?"

"_No, _I did _not _know you did some disgusting, perverted thing at the bath-house!! Why are you doing this?! Is the lack of bachelorism getting to you?!"

"Anko!! Listen to me!! I did it for you!!"

"Do you expect me to believe you paraded around the village in a speedo for _me_?! What kind of crazy crap is _that_?!" Anko screamed.

"Calm down for one damn second, Anko!! Don't you want me to explain?!"

"Fine!! Explain away!!"

"You know my students, Naruto, Sakura, and Sasuke?"

"What about them? They know we love each other, but nothing else."

"They're blackmailing me. _They _made me do it."

"Am I supposed to believe _that_?! Blame your students, _that _will make everything better-" Kakashi got down on his knees and held her hands in his.

"Anko-chan, please. I'm telling the truth. I told them I don't want anyone to know, and they made me sign some contract they made so I do a bunch of stuff for them. _That's _why I did it. To keep our secret." Anko's angry expression melted into a caring one.

"Alright, Kakashi." she said in a soft, calm voice. "I'll believe you. On _one _condition. Please ask your students not to make you do something quite as extreme as that. Alright?" Kakashi nodded. He lightly kissed her.

"We should go to bed. I have to get to my students on time tomorrow."

A/N: A little ending romance. Ah, how sweet. Please return for the next chapter. It won't be as extreme as this one, but I hope it'll be funny? Please review, even if you already have. Reviews provide motivation for me.


	5. Kakashi the Salesman

A/N: Wow, you guys! Thank you so much for all your reviews! This fic is literally my most popular fic yet. Almost everyone who reviewed before reviewed again! If there are some of you who want to skip reviewing for a few chapters, that's perfectly fine. I suggest reviewing every 3 chapters or so. However, if you want to review every chapter, that's nice too. Also, I took a long time to update, and I apopligze. Please let this chapter make up for it. YAARGH! I'm blabbering again. Onto the chapter!

Chapter 5

Kakashi the Salesman

Kakashi walked to his team. He was actually going to be on time. For the first time ever. He'd told Anko he couldn't spend time with her this morning and gave his reasons, and she understood.

The morning clouds loomed over the village, almost as if it was guarding it's residents from the sun's rays. It didn't look like they'd be moving any time soon, either. The clouds were the exact same color of Kakashi's hair. He'd always wondered why his hair had become gray so early. It wasn't even a family gene. He sighed as he made his way toward the clearing of his team.

WHEN HE ARRIVED…

By some twist of fate, his team let him train them until about noon. But then, they decided to stop him.

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei. You got to train us for a little while, but it's time for more blackmailing you." Naruto said mischievously.

"Alright, alright. But can I ask you something?" Kakashi questioned.

"Sure." Sasuke grunted.

"That thing you made me do yesterday…I mean both things…I'm a married man! I can't be doing things this extreme anymore! It pissed the hell out of Anko last night." Kakashi explained. Team 7 looked at each other. They huddled and came up with a plan. They separated from their huddle.

"Alright. Nothing like that anymore. But we'll still make you do stuff whether you like it or not. Deal?" Naruto stated. Kakashi sighed with relief and nodded.

"But yesterday we agreed on something that's not _completely_ humiliating that we want you to do." Sakura added.

_Notice she added the 'completely' part… _Kakashi thought.

So Team 7 told him their plan and got him ready.

ABOUT A HALF HOUR LATER….

Kakashi rang the doorbell of a small house. He sighed. A young woman answered the door and looked very confused.

Kakashi was wearing a mustard-colored suit with a barf-colored tie. He wore black leather shoes with scarlet socks. His head and face were same as usual. He carried a large bag at his side. He tried to make himself look cheerful.

"Would you happened to be interested in some encyclopedias?" he asked as cheerfully as he could. The woman almost laughed and quickly slammed the door shut. Team 7 erupted from the bushes laughing, except for Sasuke, who giggled a little and then went back to his neutral self. Kakashi sighed, humiliated, and slowly walked away from the doorstep. Sakura ran up to him, Naruto and Sasuke not far behind.

"So Kakashi-sensei, that's 3 houses in about 15 minutes, no sales yet. You do realize you'll have to sell all _10 _of these encyclopedias, right?" she told him.

"I only have 10, and yet this is incredibly difficult…" he mumbled to himself.

3 FREAKING MONTHS LATER…

Kakashi had been training his students until noon, arriving on time everyday, and attempting to sell all 10 encyclopedias in tacky clothes every single day for 3 whole months. And he'd finally sold all 10 of the horrid books. When he told Anko he was selling reference books in a terrible suit she couldn't help but laugh.

Kakashi sighed as he remembered the 3 horrid months of selling the books. He actually paid some people to buy them. He was just happy it was over. He soon arrived at the clearing he went to everyday. There he saw his students looking at him. The day was sunny and their faces shone like angels. Yet he could barely see devil's horns or their heads.

"I sold all of those god-forsaken books you slammed in my face. Every single book." He said slowly, gritting his teeth. "And it took 3 months to do it. Three, grueling, tearshedding months of tacky clothes and encyclopedias. Your are devil's children." They tried to look innocent, but Kakashi still saw the horns.

"Since that was a long term assignment, we'll wait until next week before your next thing. You still have to arrive on time everyday and train us, but no assignments until then. Understood?" Sakura stated clearly. Kakashi nodded.

WHEN HE GOT HOME TO ANKO…

The wooden door creaked slightly as it opened. Anko was rocking back and forth on a rocking chair.

"Kakashi. How was your day?" she asked thoughtfully.

"Good. Since I'm finished selling those books I got to help train my team _normally _for once." Anko smirked.

"How come you don't trade with someone else? Kurenai's got a nice group, so I've heard." she asked.

"You can't just trade groups. Besides, my team might tell if I try to." he explained.

"The why don't ya kill 'em?" There was a moment of silence.

"All this odd dieting is making you delirious. And a little stupid." She laughed a little.

WITH TEAM 7, EXCEPT WITHOUT KAKASHI…

They walked back toward their houses.

"Hmm…what shall we do to Kakashi next week?" Naruto asked evilly. They stopped at the ramen place. (Damnit! I forgot the name…) Sasuke looked at the menu.

"Hm?" he grunted. "I might want the bak choy ramen. Hey, doesn't Kakashi hate bak choy?"

"I like bak choy. It's a great vegetable, and—hey, Kakashi _does _hate bak choy." The team looked at each other. And they got an idea.

A/N: I took forever to update, I'm sorry! I hope I didn't lose too many fans of the story! Anyway, I don't know if Kakashi actually hates bak choy, but it's freaking obvious what will happen next chapter. I know that the chapters could be a little bit longer, but on the thing I use to type this, the chapter looks longer than it does on fanfiction, so it's hard to tell. Only one person had figured out the secret…it's not on the reviews page, if that's what you're wondering. Well, it might be, but… AARGH!!! Please try to figure it out on your own, it might be obvious. Please review, and read next time! I'll try to update a little sooner!


	6. Bak Choy

A/N: Sorry about my updating problem. It's a serious condition. Anyway, I'm glad I didn't lose too many fans, and that you're enjoying the story so much! Like I said, it's literally my most popular. Ichiraku ramen…I have to remember that. I can't believe I forgot! Ramen placeIchiraku! I hope you guys figure out the secret, so far only one reviewer has. It's going to get more and more obvious, so keep a lookout. I'm going to try to work some of the pairings I promised into this, hopefully I'll succeed. Sorry about any misspelling or grammatical errors I've made. AARGH!! I'm blabbering. Again. Time for my new Author Notes catch-phrase: Read, Review, and Enjoy! (Capitalization inserted on purpose)

Chapter 6

Bak Choy

Kakashi had been so happy that he got a week without the horrid, terrible, cruel, demon children, i.e. Team 7. He told them he needed a week off, and told them they should feel free to keep completely out of contact until the week of return.

Anko wasn't buying groceries anymore, so he was obeying the list she'd made.

List:

A few bowls of To-Go ramen, from Ichiraku

Cabbage, lettuce, tomatoes and maybe some carrots

Strawberries, peaches, bananas, and apricots

Sushinori(seaweed wrap)

Sticky rice, cucumber avocado, and other sushi stuff

Maybe some eggs

That was a lot to get. Maybe he'd make two trips. And he suddenly realized what was happening. Kakashi, the copycat ninja, buying groceries. But then again, he'd been doing sick, twisted, and stupid things for a while now, so grocery shopping wasn't all that bad.

The sun was in the middle of its daily arc. It happily shined over the hidden leaf village.

Maybe things would be normal for a little while.

Poor, innocent Kakashi.

THE NEXT MORNING…

Kakashi awoke and stealthily moved out from under the sheets, stealthily meaning without waking Anko. She was sleeping like a baby. He went through his morning routine. But as he was taking out some bowls, a cup slid out of the cupboard and shattered on the tile floor. Kakashi struggled not to swear—he had to get used to using good language.

Of course, why would Kakashi even bother to swear over a cup? Well, that glass was his favorite.

Meaning, he'd just experienced a bad omen.

_Crap. The children of hell…I mean my team…are going to do something. _he thought wearily.

As he cleaned up the shattered glass, Anko stepped in the room.

"Good morning. Wuzzalla this?" she yawned.

"A bad omen." he stated blandly.

"Well, you know what they say. When life hands you lemons, make beef stew. And sew a quilt while yer at it." she mused as she sat down. Kakashi knew this didn't make sense, but he ignored Anko's jabberwocky for now.

LATER THAT DAY, WITH NARUTO…

Two small figures sat at Ichiraku.

"N…Narutok-kun…what are we g-going to do?" stuttered a female voice.

"Don't worry Hinata! Trust me, what me, Sakura and Sasuke have planned is going to be hilarious, you wait and see. It's going to happen right around here. Sakura and Sasuke are bringing people too, so a lot of people are gonna be watching. Just sit tight!" came you-know-who.

As you know, Naruto and Hinata were sitting at Ichiraku, waiting for the others. Soon, Sakura and Ino arrived, along with Sasuke and Neji. (I don't know why Sasuke invited Neji, o.k.?)

Soon Kakashi was near Ichiraku. He and Anko had already eaten the ramen from yesterday, so he was getting some more. Anko said he could buy something else, but ramen was easy to access.

The group inside scuttled about and made themselves hidden. As Kakashi was about to enter, he noticed an innocent bak choy plant sitting on the ground. It looked like it had been washed and was ready to eat or cook into something else. It must've accidentally been thrown out of Ichiraku.

Too bad bak choy was Kakashi's only weakness and only fear, because he could've given back to Ichiraku if he didn't feel like he was about to wet himself.

He shivered as he stared at the green plant on the ground. All the terrible memories came rushing back to him.

"_Kakashi-san, come have dinner!" his mother called. 6-year-old Kakashi rushed downstairs where his father was already sitting. As he sat down, Mrs. Hatake set a plate of teriaki chicken, a dish of noodles, and some steamed bak choy on the table. Little Kakashi used his chopsticks to grab a lot of everything. _

"_Kakashi, are you really going to eat that much?" his mother asked. "It's a lot of food." _

"_I'm getting big, mom! I can eat as much food as dad now!" he lied. His parents laughed. _

"_Well, enjoy your food, you two." his mother replied. _

_Kakashi ate all of his teriaki, and noodles. He was determined to finish his dinner! He was down to the bak choy. He was already stuffed to the brim, and had never eaten this mysterious vegetable before. He didn't even know what it was. But he felt he had to do this. _

_He slowly grabbed a piece of bak choy with his chopstick and inserted it into his mouth. _

_Kakashi almost spat the bak choy all over the table. It was terrible! He swallowed out of pure willpower. _

"_What is this crud?!" he asked his mother. _

"_The vegetable? It's bak choy, sweetie." she replied. "It's very nutritious, you should eat it."_

"_But I hate it!" he cried. _

"_It's good for you. You should eat it." she said blandly. She hadn't noticed that he'd actually eaten the large portions of dinner that he'd grabbed. _

_So little 6-year-old Kakashi forced the bak choy down, feeling like he was going to cry. _

_To get his mind off of things, he went outside and trained. He didn't know very much yet, but he practiced what he knew vigorously, not letting himself make any mistakes. _

_Kakashi hoped he would never see the bak choy again. Unfortunately, he saw it sooner than he'd thought, along with the rest of his dinner. _

_This workout with an overstuffed stomach made him sick. Sick as in bending over the toilet. _

Kakashi shivered at this memory. He never wanted to see bak choy ever again. Since that day he'd developed a type of lacanaphobia, the fear of vegetables, but his fear was specifically for bak choy.

He decided to skip Ichiraku for now, and go to a different restaurant.

But the group of kids who were watching him was laughing, even Sasuke and Neji were trying not to giggle. They soon followed Kakashi.

He tried a regular restaurant. But when he got there, there was another bak choy sitting in front of the door.

_Damn bak choy! Why did I ever have to get this stupid fear of a vegetable??! _he thought angrily.

He skipped by this restaurant too.

But every restaurant had the bak choy! Every single restaurant had the vegetable sitting out front! Even grocery stores! No matter where he went, he always ran away from the horrid veggie!

_I know those demon kids are doing this! They must be! _he thought angrily. _But where the hell are they??!_

Of course, they were all just sitting and laughing near a fence. Except Sasuke and Neji, who chuckled every once in a while, and Hinata didn't really laugh as much as she giggled.

"Oh, man!" Ino yelled. "Who woulda thought that a guy like Kakashi would be afraid of a vegetable!"

"I know! I thought he just didn't like it, but he's piss-scared of it!" Naruto howled.

Neji and Sasuke were trying to keep up their appearances by not laughing. But they were turning pink from holding it in, and Sasuke let out one laugh, but caught it right afterward.

"Failing, Uchiha? I haven't laughed yet." Neji boasted in his Neji-way. "You're gonna-" but as he spoke, a few laughs came out. So of course, Sasuke and Neji tried to keep up appearances but kept getting even with each other.

"If Kakashi-sensei found out what we were doing he'd kill us, wouldn't he, Naruto?" Sakura asked whilst laughing.

"Yeah, he'd _really _kill us!" Naruto replied.

But as they laughed, a shadow was cast over them. All was silent.

"Oh-hayou…" Hinata sputtered. "Konichiwa, Kakashi…s-sensei…"

Although they couldn't see, they could tell that Kakashi was red as a beet with anger.

"You little liars…" he said, directed at his team. He was trying not to swear. "You said there'd be _no _assignments during my week off…"

At first his team was silent, but Sasuke was ready.

"We weren't lying." he said calmly. "We didn't tell you to do anything. We did something on our own. We could've done it _even_ if the deal hadn't been activated."

Kakashi should've thought of this. "I…I still hate you…" he said, as he stormed off. The friends laughed one last time and then departed.

WHEN KAKASHI GOT HOME…

Kakashi sniffed the air. His eyes buldged.

"Oh shit. No fucking way…Ankoooo…" he said.

"I know Kakashi, you aren't a huge fan of bak choy, but a whole bunch of nice grocers were giving it away when I went on my walk today. Even Ichiraku gave some away. They said they'd found it in front of their stores, but don't worry, I washed and cleaned them. You should eat it, it's good for you."

"DAMNIT ANKO!!!"

A/N: I hope the wait wasn't too long, though it probably was. Sorry. And there was a li'l bit more swearing, but I honestly don't think it's a big deal. I hope you found it humorous. You know what's screwed up? I wrote this like 3 or 4 weeks ago, but didn't post it! What the hell is wrong with me?!? I'll try to update soon, though I may or may not. I'll try! As usual, I ask you to review. Tell me if I'm losing my pizzaz, or gaining some. I don't care, just please review! Arigato, minna!


	7. Icha Icha ParadiseExposed!

A/N: When I came back from vacation, I had 64 new e-mails!!! Among those e-mails, were many notices saying people reviewed, favoritted, and alerted this fic. I was so happy! I hope fans of this fic, new and old, can keep enjoying it. My moddo: Read, Review, and Enjoy!

Chapter 7

Icha Icha Paradise…Exposed!

Kakashi sighed as he sat in the kitchen. The idea of a week of peace was now a fleeting dream. The missionless week became nightmare week instead.

Anko walked into the kitchen. "Morning," she muttered crankily.

"Anko-chan, what's with you today?" he questioned.

"I had metal-like taste in my mouth all yesterday, and I threw up today," she explained, sloppily taking some bowls and cups from the cupboard. "I think the metal taste is coming back. I should take a quick visit to the hospital."

"That's rough," Kakashi agreed. "And a doctor's appointment is a good idea."

Anko cursed as she dropped an expensive ramen bowl. It shattered on the tile floor. She groaned loudly as she, literally, picked up the pieces of the situation.

Kakashi shook his head. _Anko isn't taking this well, mentally or physically, _he thought wearily.

WITH TEAM 7, AND KAKASHI…

Kakashi walked into the clearing. His team was there.

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei," Sakura began. "We have something special for you today."

"SHOW US ICHA ICHA PARADISE!!!!" Naruto exclaimed.

Silence.

"You already know what it is," Kakashi replied. "Jiraiya made it. So it's obviously porn. You knew that."

"That's what you say," Sasuke said. "But is it truly what you mean?"

"Show us the book, Kakashi-sensei!" Naruto ordered.

"Alright." Kakashi said. He threw the book on the ground. "Knock yourselves out."

Team 7 rushed toward the book. Sakura and Naruto argued over it until Sasuke picked it up and opened it to the first page.

"Icha Icha Paradise," Sasuke read. "By Jiraiya the Sanin." He turned the page. "Chapter 1. Once there was a young woman named Migurushii Oroka. She was very ugly and stupid, like her name means. So she turned herself into a squirrel. Then she had 22 babies with a smart, handsome squirrel named Kinokiita Tansei. The reason they had a lot of babies is because squirrels do that, and squirrels enjoy making love. Here are the names of the kids."

There was a long silence.

"Kakashi-sensei…" Sakura said, breaking the silence. "How come this book sucks so bad?"

"You wanted to read it," Kakashi replied, shrugging.

Naruto picked up where Sasuke let off.

"Here are the names of the kids:

Kikai-Jin(which means weird man)

Kaiki-Fujoshi(which means weird woman)

Kusotare(means anus)

Chiri-Uwabari(means dirt face)

Daiben-Uwabari(shit face)

Ushi(cow)

Meushi-Futatsu(cow 2)

Neko-Uwabari(cat face)

And the other 14 were born at the same time, so their names were all Onara 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, & 14. Onara means fart."

Naruto turned the page. It showed a picture of an ugly squirrel in women's underwear in a sultry pose.

"That must be the new issue," Kakashi said.

Sakura threw the book at Kakashi.

"I _really _wish we didn't look at that," Sasuke stated.

"We're going home early today," Naruto said, rubbing his head. Then the kids ran away, disturbed and scarred for life.

Kakashi peeled the squirrel story and picture off of the real pages of the book.

"I forgot that I was prepared," he said to himself. "5 points for Kakashi."

He put the book away and cheerfully walked home.

A/N: I'm glad I updated fairly quickly. I know that was pretty short, but it's an update. I know this chapter was more random than the previous ones, but I didn't want it to be as simple as the team looking at porn. And I wanted Kakashi to be a little happy for once. Please review! I'll try to update soon!


	8. Matsuri Konoha, Leaf Village Festival!

**A/N: Welcome back! I'm glad I updated rather quickly. Summer helps. I'm trying not to blabber in my Author Notes so…Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 8**

**Matsuri-Konohagakure: Leaf Village Festival!**

Kakahi was sitting at his same, round breakfast table in the apartment he shared with Anko. Anko sat across from, eating cereal mixed with some stale ramen noodles and the bak choy Kakashi refused to eat.

_Weird cravings, _Kakashi thought.

For a little over a month, his team hadn't been doing much. The worst they did was egg him, but that only occurred once. Other than that, they'd just been slapping him for no reason every once in a while and cutting training in half, with a little mild insults every once in a while. But other than that, he'd had a fairly peaceful month.

Ignorance is bliss. Kakashi had no idea his team had been plotting something diabolical.

"Kakashi-kun," Anko muttered.

"Hm? Hai, Anko-chan?" Kakashi replied.

"The Matsuri-Konohagakure is coming up soon." said Anko.

"Really? The festival is happening this year? It hasn't happened for the past few." said Kakashi.

"Yup. Tsunade-sama told me. So no training next weekend, alright?"

"Understood."

LATER, WITH TEAM 7…

Alright, Kakashi," Naruto began. "We want you to sign this."

Sasuke grumpily held out a paper. All that was on it was a line at the bottom for Kakashi's signature.

"What is this for, anyway?" questioned Kakashi.

"Kakahi-sensei! We didn't tell you to ask questions. Sign!" Sakura urged.

Kakashi knew that if he argued, he'd get deeper into his problems. "Fine," he said. He wrote his name on the line.

"Good. Come to this address next weekend at noon." Naruto said, handing Kakashi a small slip of paper.

"But…isn't the festival next weekend? Are you going to skip it?" asked Kakashi.

"No." Sasuke said. "You'll see what happens."

Kakashi, confused, put the slip in his pocket.

"Oh, and Kakashi?" Sakura said. She elbowed Naruto.

"Oh, yeah, right. Come to Omeshi-Yochi _this _weekend. Sakura wants you to pay for all the clothes we buy." Naruto stated blandly.

"Alright." Kakashi said. He sighed.

_Great. Now I'm gonna have to pay for all of that. There'll be a very pleasant Anko when I get home. Just dandy. _Kakashi thought.

Kakashi was in for another wild ride.

THAT WEEKEND(for clothes shopping)…

"Oh, oh! Kakashi-sensei! Do I look good in this one?" Sakura squealed. She wore a yellow silk kimono with swirling red designs on it.

"Sakura, for the final time, I don't care what you wear, it's not that important!" Kakashi groaned.

"But is it flattering?" Sakura asked.

Kakashi groaned loudly.

"Come on, Sakura, Sasuke and me already picked our kimonos, hurry up!" Naruto whined. Sasuke just grunted.

Sakura FINALLY picked a kimono, and Kakashi paid for it all. When he realized how much he was paying, he slapped his forehead.

_This sucks. It really does. _Kakashi thought.

THE NEXT WEEKEND, OF THE FESTIVAL…

Team 7, the kid portion at least, stood near the center of the festival. People roamed all around, checking out game booths and buying various hand-made things.

Sakura wore a navy blue kimono with a lavender floral print. Her hair was in a loose bun.

Naruto wore a black kimono with off-white swirling pattern. He couldn't really do anything with his hair, so he just washed it.

Sasuke wore a scarlet kimono with a faded yellow print. He gelled his hair in back down some, but that was all, as far as hair.

They all walked together throughout the carnival. There were all sorts of booths, as I said before, and they had lots of crafts and all sorts of things, like silk items, kimonos, scrolls, books, wooden things, charms, and anything else you could think of. As for games, there was fish-catching, ring-tossing, the game where you throw the ball and it hits the target and people fall into the water, and many more.

As happy and peaceful as this may have seemed, Team 7's plans were lurking among this festival.

Kakashi stood at a booth. He was attempting to sell books about toes. One person had bought a book so far, and that person was a doctor. Kakashi was getting very angry.

_Books about __toes__toes of all things… _Kakashi thought. _This is even more difficult than the encyclopedias I had to sell a few months ago. _

After about a half hour of selling 2 books, Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke came to get Kakashi.

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei," said Sakura. "You don't need to sell any more Toe-mania books. Come with us."

Kakashi stepped over the counter of the booth and stepped next to his team. Sasuke pulled a string attached to a part of the roof, and the booth squished down to the size of a twin-size mattress. Kakashi was confused, but everything had been happening to him lately. Team 7 lead Kakashi through the festival, until they were deep into the section full of games. They came across a game that you had to throw 5 balls at 5 different targets to make the person fall in the water. The seat was empty.

"Let me guess," began Kakashi. "You want me to sit on the chair so you can dunk me."

The team looked at each other and shrugged. "We were actually going to post you in a game where someone could call 'Shinnanigan!' on you, but this works too!" said Naruto.

Kakashi smacked his forehead. _I'm such a jackass…_

Kakashi hoisted himself into the seat of the game and sighed. Team 7 grabbed the balls. Since the number didn't divide up evenly, Sasuke and Naruto got 2 and Sakura got 1. They each threw the balls, and since they had good aim because of their practice with kunai, Kakashi was dunked in 5 seconds.

"Yay!" said Naruto. "That was fun."

"Yeah, but it wasn't satisfying." said Sakura. "We need to do something a little bit more humiliating."

After much discussion, the team took Sasuke's idea, which was to dunk Kakashi in caramel. So the team took 20 minutes to drain the tank and refill it with caramel. (Don't ask where they got all the caramel, I don't know!)

They quickly threw the balls, and Kakashi was soon trying to move through the sticky caramel. The team laughed.

"It's gonna take him a while before he can get out of that." Sasuke said. "Now what should we do?"

"Sasuke-kun, you're right, but we need to get Kakashi-sensei to try and get his way out of there first," Sakura replied.

Kakashi tried to move his hands so he could do a transportation jutsu, but even with his immense strength, the caramel was just too sticky. He thought it might be easier to walk through the caramel and eventually climb out.

Kakashi was wrong.

So he tried to move his hands again, and he finally got them out of the goop. Transportation jutsu, and he was beside his team.

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei," Naruto said. "Now we want you to buy us stuff!"

So Kakashi bought them 21 balloons just for the hell of it, 12 scarves, 30 caramel apples, 24 chocolate items, and all sorts of useless junk and sweet treats.

Finally, it was time for the karaoke tournament. So of course, Kakashi was entered. But he had to go last. The words began coming along the screen, as Kakashi sang…

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!!

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

NOW THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

DO THE PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

NOW THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

DO THE PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

NOW BREAK IT DOWN, AND FREEZE!

BREAK IT DOWN, AND FREEZE!

NOW BREAK IT DOWN, AND FREEZE!

NOW BREAK IT DOWN AND FREEZE!

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

NOW TIC, TAC, TOE,

UH-HUH!

TIC, TAC, TOE,

LET'S GO!

TIC, TAC TOE,

YOU GOT IT!

TIC, TAC, TOE,

LET'S ROCK!

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLY!

PEANUTBUTTERJELLYWIDABASEBALLBAT!

FREE-STYLE, FREE-STYLE FREE-STYE!

FREE-STYLE, FREE-STYLE YO STYLE!

FREE-STYLE, FREE-STYLE, FREE-STYLE!

FREE-STYLE, FREE-STYLE YO STYLE!

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

WAY-EH, WAY-EH,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO,

THERE YA GO, THERE YA GO."

The crowd cheered as Kakashi, out of breath, accepted the applause. The person hosting the karaoke tournament stepped onstage.

"The award goes to…Hatake Kakashi!"

The crowd roared. Kakashi waved.

_I damn well better have won, _Kakashi thought. _That song is freaking repetitive! _

Kakashi was handed a faux gold statue in the shape of a microphone with his name on it.

As Kakashi stepped down from the stage, his team was waiting for him.

"Alright, Kakashi-sensei," Sasuke said. "You can go home now."

"Gladly." Kakashi replied.

Kakashi did a transportation jutsu home.

**A/N: It was really hard for me to write the shopping scene, because I hate clothes-shopping! But I hope you enjoyed this chapter. You have no idea how many times I had to listen to the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song to get the lyrics here! I thought someone might've put the lyrics, but I couldn't find any, so I just listened to the song over, and over…Anyway, this was a good, long update, so I hope you enjoyed it. In honor of the time and effort I put into this, and to listening to the Peanut Butter Jelly Time song, PLEASE REVIEW!! Oh yeah, has anyone figured out the secret yet??!! Here's a hint: It's Anko's secret. Please review, and return! Oh yeah, I noticed a lot of people who like my fic, liked Umi Amano's As Sweet As Dumplings. Anyone remember that? Arigato, minna!**


	9. Joshi Kaisho Konohagakure Part 1

**A/N: Welcome back! I'm so glad a lot of people love this fic as much as I do! Many people know the secret! Enjoy the chapter! Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 9**

**Joshi-Kaisho-Konohagakure Part 1**

Kakashi stumbled into the kitchen. It was another morning when he knew he was going to have a terrible day. So far, it had already been such a day.

He'd awoken in a bad mood, and Anko soon woke up, and began whining and complaining about all sorts of petty matters. He already knew getting to training ontime would be difficult; normally he didn't care, but the contract insisted he become punctual. It also put Tsunade in a good mood.

Also, he'd humiliated himself only almost a month ago, and the whole of Konoha was still talking about it. Mainly to him. But in random parts of town, he'd hear murmurs of "Matsuri-Konohagakure was a hilarity!" and "Kakashi likes his sandwiches!" Oh yes, this Matsuri-Konohagakure was one the whole village would remember for years to come. Lovely.

He thought it might be a good thing, in some ways. It did completely cover up the pink Speedo incident, which everyone was already trying to forget. But it was still irritating in so many ways.

Kakashi decided to skip breakfast and head to training to assure that he'd be keep punctual. But he was hungry, so he grabbed a couple of Anko's chicken dumplings and headed out.

AT TRAINING…

Kakashi was on time. Barely. He lazily ate his chicken dumpling and soon his team arrived.

"Konichiwa, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto greeted.

"Ohayo, Kakashi-sensei." Sakura also greeted.

"Hn." Sasuke grunted.

"What are you going to do to me today?" Kakashi asked wearily.

"_We're _not going to do anything." Sakura replied.

"Just go to the address on the card every Saturday at 7:30 p.m. and don't ask us any questions." Naruto said.

Sasuke handed a small business card to Kakashi. He stopped chewing his dumpling.

"I hate you."

THAT SUTARDAY…

Kakashi sighed as he walked toward the address.

_Alright, Kakashi, _he thought. _Maybe it won't be so bad. Maybe they won't be too…rrgh. _

Kakashi hesitated before opening the door. Could he lie to his team about going to these meeting? No, they'd probably made this plan fool-proof somehow. Kakashi opened the door as if something horrible were about to jump out at him. When he saw nothing did, he gingerly stepped inside.

Soon, he was sitting in a chair with women from 20-45 all around him.

"Alright," said one. "Welcome to our first meeting! Let's begin by getting to know each other. How about…you!" She pointed to Kakashi. "Our only male member!"

Kakashi stated the basic information about himself.

"Now, how did you discover us?"

"Well," Kakashi said. "I saw your business card…" he pulled out the business card. It read:

* * *

JOSHI-KAISHO-KONOHAGAKURE  
_Konoha Women's Club_  
Includes sewing, reading feminine books, shopping,  
getting to know one another, talking, gossiping,  
and everything stereotypically feminine!

* * *

Kakashi turned the card over. Naruto had written something on the back.

* * *

_Get in touch with your 'feminine' side! –Naruto _

* * *

"Why did you decide to join this club, even though it's for women?" the woman asked.

"I…" if he told them he was being forced, they might not believe it. He gulped. "Wanted to…get in touch with my…'feminine'…side…" he said nervously.

One by one, all 30 members introduced themselves as Kakashi felt like running away. _Far _away.

"Alright," said the leader of the group, who he'd found out was named Onnarashii. "Our first activity will be sewing!"

She set everyone up at sewing tables with sewing machine and various other sewing equipment. So of course, Kakashi felt like he was on an alien planet. Eventually, after a LONG sermon of instructions and mess-ups, Kakashi sort of understood. It only gave him enough time to sew 1 100th of a shirt.

As Kakashi went home, he felt similar to when he'd gone through over 24 hours of torture.

_Sewing? _he thought. _I've been sewing? I really feel like hitting myself. _

THE NEXT SATURDAY…

Kakashi had been teased all week by his team, better known by him as the demon children. Constant "Kakashi the seamstress!" and "Kakashi, do you have a tacky sweater for me?" And as if losing his team's respect _again_ wasn't enough, he still heard people whisper "Look, it must be peanut butter jelly time." In the streets.

Kakashi walked into the same place as last week. He prayed that this time it would be better than last week.

Poor Kakashi.

After getting inside and sitting down, Onnarashii began her welcoming dialogue.

"Welcome back, girls! I hope our new women's club gals are feeling welcome after last week. It's time for some feminine, girl-to-girl—"

Kakashi coughed. Onnarashii stopped.

"And of course, let's not forget Kakashi." Onarashii said sheepishly. "Sorry. But I'll probably be saying girls a lot. So as I was saying, we shall be evaporating stress today, through feelings talk!"

As they sat in a circle, Kakashi had to listen to the other women complain about how they're overworked and underappreciated, and they have adolescent sons and daughters who never tell them anything about school.

_I almost feel like punching them all in the face, _he thought. _I guess because they're not ninjas they have no way of feeling the kind of pain we feel. But still, they should know there are situations a lot worse than theirs. _

"Kakashi, it's your turn. What are you stressed about?"

Kakashi hesitated before speaking.

"Well. I teach a team of kids that like to torture mean, almost all of my friends are dead, all of my family is dead, I've been humiliated in front of the entire village multiple times, and I can't help but be a pervert regularly." he stated almost happily.

There was a long silence. Women looked at each other nervously

"Alright, thank you Kakashi." Onnarashii said hastily. "I'll see you all next week!"

They all departed.

_That was as bad as last week, if not worse… _Kakashi thought.

**A/N: I know this was a rather short update, but I need ideas for what will happen next in the women's club. I'm accepting suggestions from you! Please review! Arigato, minna!**


	10. Joshi Kaisho Konohagakure Part 2

**A/N: Update! Yay! For this, I'd like to thank Aeris Leonheart, for the idea for part of this chapter. (I should've thought of that!) I'll still be taking ideas from people, if anyone wants to see it here. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 10**

**Joshi-Kaisho-Konohagakure Part 2**

Kakashi groaned as he got out of bed. Ordinarily, he'd look forward to Saturdays. Too bad the woman's club destroyed that forever. Even after it was over, he knew the memory would haunt him always. Yet he still wanted it to be over so he didn't have to go through it.

LATER…

Kakashi walked into the unfortunately familiar room. As he did, he noticed Onarashii passing out books of some kind. He walked over to her and got one for himself.

He wished he hadn't.

"Today, we're going to begin reading The Kimi and the Hime, by Kikai Jinkakusha." Onarashii announced. "It's the story of a prince and a princess from 2 lands, very distant from each other, and after only meeting once, they send letters to each other. That's all I can tell you, otherwise I'd be spoiling the book! We're going to be reading out loud. I'll go first."

Everyone got to the beginning of chapter one, and Kakashi gulped as Onarashii read…

* * *

The princess of the land of Oroka sighed as she looked out of her windowsill. It had been 2 weeks since she'd met her special prince, and he'd agreed to send her a letter. But so far, nothing had come. She grew anxious. Had he forgotten? Had her true love abandoned her? Would she be alone forever?

"Onara-hime. A letter has come for you," said a servant.

She rushed to the servant. She grabbed the small piece of parchment. She opened it. She was delighted to find it was from her lover.

_Dear Princess Onara,_

_I am glad I met you, fair Onara. Your beauty is more wonderful than any garden, field, or castle. I am sorry to say the travel from my homeland to yours is quite long, so it must've been a long time before your received this. I apologize. I wrote it as soon as I'd gotten home. You do you fare? I miss you dearly. I wish I could see you again. Write a reply soon!_

_Prince Kasu_

The princess squealed with delight after reading the letter. She quickly wrote her response.

Seeing the handwriting of her lover made her feel happy inside. She felt as though he'd been talking to her through the parchment. She felt invincible!

* * *

Onarashii signaled to another woman to read. Kakashi felt like vomiting.

"Please excuse me for a moment…" Kakashi mumbled as he stood and rushed to the bathroom. He splashed water on his face.

_I thought 24 hours of torture was bad… _ he thought wearily.

So Kakashi managed to pull his way through the whole first chapter of the wretched book. He began to stumble home.

_Damn kids…_ he thought.

NEXT SATURDAY... 

Kakashi made his way down to the horrid club. 

His team and wife had been teasing him the whole week nonstop. Any time that he'd try to correct them through a technique or insist they were doing something wrong, they'd just laugh at him(except Sasuke) and say "I'm wondering if Icha Icha Paradise is actually a romance novel." or "Yup. We heard it from Mr. Feminine." or something similar. So of course, he hadn't been looking forward to this Saturday.

After reading a grueling page of The Kimi and the Hime, Onarashii introduced a new activity.

"Today, ladies, we're going to compliment each other's clothing, to help self-esteem levels!" Onarashii said happily.

One by one, Kakashi had to deal with "I love the color!" and "The texture is fabulous, hun. What's it made out of?" And on, and on…

"Kakashi, I like your mask. It's very sensual."

The stunned and bewildered Kakashi was speechless.

_Sensual…? _he thought.

"Your turn, Kakashi," Onarashii said.

Kakashi took a long pause before attempting to say anything. "I like the print on your shirt, Erai."

A young woman nearby responded accordingly. "Thank you!"

Kakashi stumbled out of the place having the feeling you'd have if you'd been taking baths in jelly; wrong.

_It's only going to get worse from here…_ he thought wearily.

**A/N: Sorry that this was so short! I'm having a mini writers' block, but you can help! Please give me a few ideas, and I'll incorporate them into the story. Please review! Arigato, minna!**


	11. Joshi Kaisho Konohagakure Part 3

**A/N: Sorry for taking a while to update! Believe it or not, I was having a busy schedule. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 11**

**Joshi-Kaisho-Konohagakure Part 3**

Kakashi woke up grumpily to find Anko was already up.

_That doesn't usually happen… _he thought. _What's the occasion?_

He walked into the kitchen to find he eating a peculiar arrangement of old piece of bak choy, milk, and something he thought was ramen broth. It looked about as bad as it smelled.

"I needed it…" she said, sipping the grotesque dish that was once edible to normal taste buds. "I needed it so bad…so delicious…"

"How long have you been up?" asked Kakashi, trying as hard as he could to ignore the stench of the food and Anko's somewhat frightening behavior.

"Since 6:30…But I _needed _it…" she mumbled, dipping a piece of old bak choy into the milk.

Kakashi glanced at the clock. 10:24. He sighed.

"I think you should stop now. Go to bed. Get some more rest." Kakashi insisted.

Anko slowly stopped. "Fine." She slowly went back to bed.

Kakshi sighed as he threw away the awful mess of food Anko had left. He grabbed the air freshener and sprayed it like there was no tomorrow.

_At least it's Saturday… _ he thought. _Wait a minute…oh shit._

LATER…

Kakashi made his way to the hellhole they called a women's club.

They read an entire chapter of The Kimi and the Hime. Kakashi felt like vomiting all over the place, even more so than when he saw Anko's breakfast.

"Alright, ladies, today we are going to try baking!" Onarashii announced happily.

The club relocated to the kitchen to begin their baking lesson. Kakashi was worried.

"First, let's get the actual cake ready. We'll need flour…" Onarashii said, reading off a list of things to bake.

After hours of baking cakes, Kakashi felt like going to bed. It was boring for him. He could still hear the "Whisk the flour with the egg whites" and "Set it to 350 degrees" and on and on…and his cake tasted terrible.

"And make sure to come at 1:30 next Saturday!" Onarashii said. "It's very important!"

NEXT SATURDAY…

Something strange was happening today. Instead of meeting at the usual 7:30, Kakashi had to get there 6 hours before he would've liked. What was going on?

When he got to the usual meeting place, no-one had out The Kimi and the Hime, which was different. Everyone was standing up and chattering.

"Today," Onarashii announced. "We're going to shop 'til we drop!"

Kakashi's heart skipped a beat. Or two.

_Shopping? _Kakashi wondered. _The only thing I've ever shopped for is food and weapons. What the hell am I gonna do?_

Pretty soon, the Joshi-Kaisho Konohagakure was off. After a while of walking, they arrived that the Konoha Shopping Center. All the women squealed while Kakshi died a little inside.

Kakashi was utterly clueless about what he should do, so Onarashii took him and some other women into a kimono shop.

(Note: Both men and women wear kimonos, just in case you didn't know.)

"Can I help you?" asked a quirky female employee.

"Yes, we'd all like to try on at least 10 kimonos per person," Onarashii stated. She looked at Kakashi for a moment. "But maybe only 5 for him."

_What's the point of trying on 10 kimonos if you the most you'll buy is 2? _he wondered.

"Alright, ma'am, I'll be right with you," she said as she darted into the back room. Kakashi sat down gingerly in this unfamiliar environment. He'd only worn 1 kimono before, which was on Anko's and his traditional wedding. Anko had picked it out anyway, so he'd never really been in a kimono shop before.

When the employee came back, she held a skin tone sheet up to the eye she could see.

"Ah, pale as a sheet! I have the perfect thing for you," she stated, rushing into the back room again.

A few minutes later, she returned, carrying a navy blue kimono with golden dragons swerving all around it. She told Kakashi to try it on, so he did. When he came out, it fit nicely. It was also very, very soft.

"60 percent cotton, 40 percent polyester," she explained. "That particular amount of cotton makes is especially soft. How do ya like it?"

"It's nice." he said simply.

"Usually we have it for ¥50,000. But all this week we're having a sale, so you could buy it for ¥25,000. Would you like to buy it?"

Kakashi thought about it. _I guess I need a kimono for special occasions…Anko would kill me if I didn't have one…I mean, she's not big on fashion either, but she probably has a fancy kimono for herself laying around somewhere…_

Kakashi fished through his wallet. He had more than enough. He paid for it and had it put in a big bag.

"Oh, and just so you know," the employee said. "That kimono is for events like carnivals, baby showers, etc. But it isn't quite fancy enough for other people's weddings, and definitely isn't for funerals."

"That's alright," he replied. "I'm not really on a shopping spree or anything."

"Well your lady friends sure seem to be." she said. Kakashi turned.

He saw the women he'd come in with holding piles and piles of kimonos, and they didn't look like they'd be finishing up any time soon.

"I think I'll look around a little more." he stated.

"Alright then. We have funeral kimonos. Mostly black, but some white. We also have a few funeral suits," she stated.

"I guess I'll look at those," he replied.

A few minutes later she came back with a funeral kimono and a funeral suit. Kakashi tried on the kimono.

"It's 100 percent handmade Chinese silk. It also comes with ceremonial chopsticks. Unfortunately, these aren't on sale. They have to stay at ¥75,000. But what isn't expensive about funerals, right? What do ya say?" she asked.

_Hmm. _he thought. _Most of my friends and family are dead already. Wow, that's a terrible thing to say. But on Obon, or for any of Anko's relatives, it might come in handy. I guess it's better to get on now than later. _

Kakashi bought the kimono and put it in the same bag as his other one. But the other women still seemed to be taking a long time.

_I guess I'll have to wait…_ he thought.

Finally, after 30 minutes, Kakashi thought they were done. He got his hopes up.

But they weren't done.

So he waited another 10 minutes. After that, they seemed to be finishing up.

But they still weren't done.

So he waited another 20 minutes. Some of them had bought what they needed.

But they _still weren't done._

So Kakashi waited 15 more minutes. And _finally, _they were done.

"Why did that take so long?" Kakashi gritted.

"We were just trying things on. Most of us only bought one, though, if any."

Kakashi was confused. _What the hell was I waiting for? I took 10 minutes to get 2 and they could 1 hour and 45 minutes to get 1!! _

So the possie that'd been in the kimono shop met up with the other women and they decided to go into the food court. All the other women bought salads, while Kakashi got an entire bento box.

"Why are you eating salad? I mean, it does taste good, but it can't be very filling, can it?" Kakashi questioned.

"Well, I know, but I'm trying to lose some weight." Onarashii said.

"But you're not overweight." Kakashi said.

"I know, but I'm not as light as I could be." she replied.

_Women confuse me…at least, these types of women do. This is why I like Anko much better. _he thought.

When it was all over, Kakashi did a transportation jutsu to get home as quickly as possible.

"Hard day?" Anko asked.

"We went shopping." Kakashi said. "I got 2 kimonos."

He pulled them out. When Kakashi told her the overall bill, Anko wasn't too happy.

"¥100,000?! Kakashi, we don't have a lot of money right now!" Anko said.

"Yeah, but if I didn't buy anything, I would've been doing nothing for almost 2 hours. At least I trimmed it down to 1 hour and 45 minutes."

"Alright, as long as you think you'll use them." she replied.

So Kakashi put them away.

_Well, things can't possibly get any worse, _he thought.

Geez, doesn't he know he just jinxed himself?

**A/N: Once again, sorry for taking a while to update. The shopping thing was to hard to write! I looked at everything through Kakashi's POV! By the way…I got –sniff- a flame, for this fic. It was anonymous, so I deleted it, but it hate getting flames for fics. I'm anti-flame. Anyway, please review!**


	12. Joshi Kaisho Konohagakure Part 4

**A/N: OH MY GAWD! I'm so sorry for taking so long to update! This is the final part of the Joshi-Kaisho thing. Read, Review, and Enjoy!**

**Chapter 12**

**Joshi-Kaisho-Konohagakure Part 4**

Kakashi walked towards a place full of estrogen and his own woe.

But Kakashi also felt happy. This was the last Joshi-Kaisho Konohagakure meeting of the year, and after that, he would never have to go again. Ever.

So he took a deep breath and entered the effeminate hellhole.

They finally finished The Kimi and the Hime, and went through a_long_ discussion about how they thought the ending was, much to Kakashi's dismay.

"Well, I though since he was suffering so much, it was good that he finally got the woman he loved," one woman remarked.

"I agree!" another woman said.

"I have to disagree," claimed another. "I thought that he should've gone with the other suitor. She would have treated him well…"

And on. And on._And on. _Kakashi felt his hand wanting to reach for his kunai and slit his own throat, but he did not.

_This is ridiculous! _he thought._I can withstand 24 hours of torture, I can stand this! _

But the longer it went on, the closer his hand got to the kunai. Finally, as he grabbed the kunai, they stopped talking. Kakashi let out a sigh of relief.

Next, they were given magazines so they could read for a few minutes. Kakashi got_Seventeen _magazine.

He was not impressed.

But as he opened the magazine, he saw a panty ad. This was something he enjoyed thoroughly. In fact, it was the only moment out of all of his hours at the Joshi-Kaisho that he even enjoyed at all.

But after a few minutes of looking, Onarashii caught him and smacked him on the back of the head. She quickly gave him the latest issue of _Marie Clare_.

This time, Kakashi didn't find any underwear, but he did find an advertisement for Cancun, and thoroughly enjoyed the 3 pages of bikinis.

Of course, Onarashii didn't approve, and gave him _Glamour_.

Unfortunately for Kakashi, he found many pages ripped out, which were most likely former pornographic images. He tried to find something interesting. Anything. But it was as useless as smiling after being stabbed. On one page, he found an article about vibrators. He nearly threw up.

Finally, Onarashii collected the magazines. Kakashi acted as if the wind had been knocked out of him and he'd just been able to breathe right now.

"Alright, girls! Now it's time for secret telling!" she exclaimed.

Again, Kakashi was not impressed.

One woman said, "I eat chocolate everyday!"

The other woman gasped while Kakashi snicker to keep himself from laughing. What kind of secret was that anyway?

"I pose in the mirror!" another woman blurted out.

The woman gasped again, while Kakashi felt strange

_She must be really arrogant…_ he thought to himself.

"What about you, Kakashi?" Onarashii asked. Kakashi was thoughtful.

"I knocked a girl up once. Never found out if she had the kid or not." he said.

Instead of gasping like he thought they would, the women glared daggers at him.

"Anyway," Onarashii said, keeping Kakashi from getting too uncomfortable. "I weigh 144 pounds!"

The women gasped again.

_I get it,_Kakashi thought. _They only like irrelevant, appearance-related secrets. Too bad I have none. _

A very bored Kakashi sat through all the secrets.

"I'll be back in a minute, girls!" Onarashii said excitedly.

Kakashi honestly didn't want her to come back in so he could go home. He pictured Anko laughing at him. As much as he hated it, it would definitely be better than whatever he was about to go through.

Onarashii returned with a huge rack of clothes. All the women squealed, and Kakashi felt at least 10 brain cells die inside his head. He would've gotten a gray hair, but it wouldn't have made a difference anyway.

"We're doing a fashion show!" Onarashii exclaimed.

For the third time that night, Kakashi was not impressed.

He tried to back into the corner so no one would notice him. They probably didn't have guy's clothes anyway. That was what he assured himself many times.

"Kakashi!"

He jumped. Onarashii came up to him.

"We brought clothes for guys! You get to be in the fashion show, too! Isn't that great?"

Kakashi didn't feel the need to respond. Nonetheless, Onarashii dragged him to the changing room.

Much too Kakashi's relief, he got to watch women change for a while. No one saw the humungous blush and massive boner that he carefully kept hidden.

But soon, after the other women were fully dressed, they dressed him in something he thought he saw in the toilet one day.

The way this show worked was slightly complicated. Onarashii would film it while the girls walked out. Then they'd each get to talk to the camera about their outfits. Then they'd watch it all through on the camera. Then, a few weeks later, Onarashii would send them an edited DVD.

Kakashi soon found himself walking out onto the makeshift runway wearing a white leather suit covered in sparkles. It was so tight that you could see areas you didn't want to exaggerated.

When Kakashi got to talk to the camera about his outfit, he only said one phrase over and over again.

"KILL ME! KILL ME!!"

He practically destroyed the camera. But since he was the last person to talk about his outfit, Onarashii simply pulled the tape out the camera so all the data was saved.

Kakashi used a transportation jutsu to get home.

"How was it?" Anko asked happily.

Kakashi smashed the coffee table in two. But then he simply sat down next to Anko He knew he'd never go there again. Anko suddenly noticed the coffee table.

"When did that happen?"

**A/N: I'M SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING UNTIL NOW. Please find it in your hearts to forgive. Reviews would be nice. Arigato, minna!**


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